August 30, 2010
It is funny to see how these little ones develop their defenses as they get older. My youngest nephew is smooth. When getting scolded, he is amazing at diffusing the situation, much better than his sister who most likely cries. He realized (and I am not sure when) that making his mother laugh will instantly end her screaming session.
For example, he was running around the playroom and swung open the cabinet a little too hard, denting the paint job on the wall. My sister heard the loud bang and came in to “gently” remind him that there is no running around the play room. At the end of her rant when she asked him “Do you understand me?” he stood at full attention and saluted her replying, “Aye Aye Captain!” At ease soldier, you got out of this one.
My other sister has to deal with a team effort situation in her home. Seeing them come to each others aid is sweet. My oldest nephew tries to talk his little brother out of timeout all the time, because then he has no one to play video games with. Once he told my sister, “Look Mom, I didn’t do anything wrong. And I cannot beat this level without him. So we have a situation.”
The little ones love if trouble strikes when Uncle Joey is around. I am the smoothest of them all. I’ve gotten them out of forgotten homework assignments, bicycles left out overnight in the driveway and my greatest challenge to date, the Case of the Broken Vase. If my current career doesn’t work out, then maybe I’ll try my hand at being a lawyer. Goodness knows these five give me plenty of practice.
August 10, 2010
During my weekly check in phone call, I decided to ask the kids to tell me a joke. I was having a bummer of a day and they always find a way to brighten it. First up was my oldest nephew, who hit me with one of his favorite knock-knock jokes:
“Knock, knock”
“Who’s there?”
“Banana”
“Banana who?”
“Knock, knock”
“Who’s there?”
“Banana”
“Banana who?”
“Knock, knock”
“Who’s there?”
“Orange”
“Orange who?”
“Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?”
My favorite part of him telling me that joke is my nephew’s increasing giggling as he approaches the punchline. Next up was my second oldest nephew who was resourceful; he went to get his joke book. After being unable to find the book, he hit me with a family favorite. “Two peanuts were walking in a park. One was a salted.”
Last but not least was my six year old niece who threw me a curveball. “Why’d the chicken cross the road?” I replied, “To get to the other side.” To which she replied, “No Uncle Joey! To get to the Ice Cream Truck.” After our joke session, I had forgotten all about what was bugging me. I then decided to go get some ice cream with bananas and peanuts on top.
August 2, 2010
Chuck E Cheese may just be a parent’s hell on earth. It is utter insanity. For those of you who do not have a local Chuck E, I am sure there is a derivation of it in your town. It is an indoor attraction that has ball pits, games, rides and ticket booth where it cost you 1000 tickets for a lollipop.
One of my little cousins had her birthday party there on Sunday and I was planning to do the obligatory pop in for the birthday cake and be there for 15 minutes tops. That is the benefit of being an uncle and not a parent. My perfect plan came to a halt when my brother in law had a death in the family and I had to watch their kids while him and my sister attended the services. On top of that, it meant my oldest sister had to also attend as a representative of the family, so Uncle Joey got her kids too. So here I am on a gorgeous Sunday, bequeathed with 4 children and trapped in the scariest place on Earth.
My youngest nephew accidentally hit a girl with a skeeball while my oldest nephew was talking strangers into giving him tokens when he had run out. My youngest niece got scared and trapped in the kiddie maze which I was far too big to get into, so I had to send in my oldest niece for a search and rescue mission. The oldest niece later had a meltdown at the ticket booth since the doll she wanted was 5000 tickets, and we were about 4500 short.
Score for the day: Being a parent: 0 Being an Uncle: 1
July 27, 2010
You know when people use the saying “It was no day at the beach.” Like when they get a flat tire on the highway during a rainstorm and have to change it while getting soaked and dirty. They then say something like, “I changed the tire, but let me tell you, it was no day at the beach.” They mean it was opposite of a great time. Well this weekend, I experienced that day at the beach people are referring to when they use that saying.
It was a great day of fun with all my nieces and nephews. The nieces were on seashell patrol while the boys and I made a massive sandcastle. After construction, the girls decorated it with the pretty shells they discovered. Next was a session of body surfing, where we tried our best not to wipe out (surprisingly, Grandma was pretty good). A massive picnic lunch followed, choc full of PB&J’s, lemonade, chips, watermelon, cantaloupe and some cookies. And to finish the day off, we had a Frisbee catch in the shallow water where we tried to make “the perfect diving catch.”
All in all, it was a day at the beach. And it has forever solidified its place in my mind as the basis for comparison whenever I use that saying.
July 19, 2010
Anyone close to me knows that I am in no way, shape or form a sports nut. Sure, I can fake my way through a conversation or quote two or three random stats to make myself sound educated. But when it comes down to it, I am just not interested in watching the game. Especially baseball. I feel like it drags on forever and nothing happens. So when my brother in law had an extra ticket for the game with my two nephews on the third base line at Yankee Stadium, of course they wanted me to share some peanuts and Cracker Jacks.
As we entered the stadium, my oldest nephew said to me that it was a “boys” day and we were about to make some memories. I agreed. And I have to admit as I baked away in the afternoon sun, I had a blast. We ate, chanted for players and I got to keep my nephews laughing by asking ridiculous things like “which one is the goalie?” and “when is halftime?”
But the highlight for them was in the bottom of the first inning when a Yankee fouled off into our section and their father battled for the foul ball and came out on top. Now that’s a day of memories.
July 12, 2010
While at my family reunion this passed weekend, Uncle Joey wore many hats.
- Lifeguard – A lot of little kids in the pool need attending to.
- Umpire – Wiffle ball is NOT my sport. However I am more than happy to yell “safe”, “strike” and “you’re out” as needed…and occasionally get some dirt kicked on me after a questionable call.
- Team Captain – For Ultimate Frisbee (which, after this weekend, I am officially adding to my list of sports in which I am better than average at), I had a spectacular day going undefeated.
- Chef – I make one hell of a Pulled Pork Burger.
- Lawyer – Acting on behalf of a niece, nephew or a little cousin to their parents on cases such as “Seconds on dessert” and “One more dip in the pool”
- Judge – Cannonball Contest. Enough said.
- Student – I learned a thing or two from my Uncles while playing the card game Pinochle
- Storyteller – Sitting around the table, sharing stories about my family or the crazy antics that are my life.
- Doctor – Performing duties such as a well placed bandaid after a spill off the swing set or assistance after a diving catch on the field went wrong.
June 28, 2010
My parents had to be happy that I was a dork growing up for the simple reason they did not have to put up with Little League baseball. This weekend, I was subject to my little cousin’s game, fully equipped with screaming parents, an overzealous coach and a teenage umpire who just wanted to the game to be over so he and his girlfriend could go to the beach.
Uncle Joey’s career came to a swift end in 1986 when a line drive hit me directly in the cup while on the pitcher’s mound. I remember clear as day the conversation I had with my father on the way home from that game. I asked him if he’d be mad if I quit. He told me I was old enough to make my own decision. I was ten. In hindsight, I realize he must have been ecstatic to have his Saturdays back. Family time in the pool must have been much more appealing than sweating at the baseball field — subject to watch his awkward son struggle through nine innings.
There are two athletic arenas in which I am competitive. Bowling and Volleyball. Otherwise, I am picked last…and rightfully so.
UPDATE 7/12 — I am officially adding Ultimate Frisbee to the list. I am awesome. See my post “Many Hats of Uncle Joey” for details
June 22, 2010
My family is full of traditions. I am happy to say, two of them are my doing. One happens every summer, the other every winter.
One of the biggest hits every summer is the cousins’ trip to Six Flags Great Adventure, a MAJOR amusement park in New Jersey. I have been doing it for 8 years now, and it started with only myself and my two little cousins (who are now 23 and 21 years old). We are now up to 9 attendees who meet the requirements (which are at least 48” tall and 10 years of age).
Last year I was happy since my oldest nephew met the requirements. As of May 14th, so does his brother. This means I will have both of them by my side screaming their heads off in fear while speeding through loops and extreme drops. Needless to say, I am ecstatic!
Below are some of the shots of the gang last year and my nephew after conquering The Great American Scream Machine. It is always the first ride we do to get the day started (five loops and one huge drop). I’m looking forward very much to this year.
UPDATE 7/12 — My younger nephew did quite well too, mastering loops and screaming with the best of them.
June 17, 2010
So with the summertime now here, it’s that time of year when Uncle Joey goes aquatic. Growing up, I had a big pool and have many a memory of playing Marco Polo with my sisters. I still think they cheated. For me, pool games are much more fun to make up on the fly, since the kids are already happy to be swimming. I literally can float on a raft taking some rays and just yell out names of different animals while the kids pretend to swim like a pack of them. It is funny to see how they think armadillos swim.
My nieces and nephews love this game called “Keep it Up.” It is played with a beach ball in the pool where everyone has to quite simply, not let the ball hit the water. And all along you count out loud the number of times it has been hit, trying each time to beat your highest score. This originated in Ancient Greece where it was played by gladiators with a sack full of wheat and if it hit the floor, you would upset the gods and have great misfortune (I totally just made that up and think I will write that in Wikipedia after I finish this post).
At the time of print, our high score is 66. We’ll see how long that lasts after this weekend.
June 10, 2010
So tell me this isn’t the coolest thing ever. This weekend, my sister is dropping off my niece and nephews for a sleep over. They have no idea they are staying over my house, so the surprise factor is going be enough to put them over the edge. But my plan has me more excited than anything.
After dinner at the South Street Seaport we are going to swing by an interactive Tiger exhibit. No, not as in wrestling them, but more of a science themed one where they have cool things like seeing like a tiger (begin humming “Eye of the Tiger” here…). Check it out — www.Tigersnyc.com
Then, for the sleepover, I picked up the original Karate Kid on DVD, so they can watch Daniel San kick some Cobra Kai you know what. To finish it all off on Sunday, I am taking them to the movies to see the remake of the Karate Kid.
Wow, I am good at this uncle-ing thing.
